For years, I told myself the same story most people do: “I’m not getting my needs met.”
It felt true. I wanted intimacy, connection, and safety, but what I felt most often was frustration. I blamed my husband. I blamed his silence. I blamed the distance between us.
But here’s what I didn’t realize at the time: I was blocking the very love I claimed I wanted.
Why We Struggle to Feel Loved
It’s easy to focus on what your partner isn’t doing. The socks on the floor. The lack of deep conversations. The absence of intimacy.
But here’s the question few of us stop to ask: am I even open to receiving the love that is being offered?
I wasn’t.
I desperately wanted connection, but my walls were up. I wanted to feel secure, yet I constantly held him at a distance because I was terrified of abandonment. On one hand, I craved safety. On the other, I rejected the very moments where safety and intimacy were offered.
It wasn’t that my husband never showed up, it was that I didn’t let it in.
Turning Traditions on Their Head
So much of the relationship advice we hear today is about “getting your needs met.” But the real shift happens when you stop demanding more and start asking:
- Where have I blocked love?
- Where has my spouse tried to show up, but I brushed it off?
- Am I truly available for the depth of connection I say I want?
This isn’t about blame. It’s about responsibility. Healing a struggling marriage isn’t just about your partner changing. It’s about removing the blocks inside yourself that stop you from letting love in.
Practical Steps You Can Take Today
Here’s where I started:
- I paid attention to the ways my husband was already trying to love me, even when it didn’t look like what I imagined.
- I softened my automatic rejection of those moments—pausing instead of brushing him off.
- I asked myself daily: am I showing up open, or am I showing up guarded?
Those small shifts built momentum. And over time, my marriage transformed from cold and disconnected into safe, supportive, and deeply intimate.
